MAN
(Without lifting head. face still hidden) Sit down, Harold.

HAROLD
Sir, I'm sorry, sir, er ...

MAN
Don't be. No need to be. Sit down, Harold.

HAROLD
Perhaps you are confusing me with some other person - my name is actually Alien.

MAN
(Puffing away paper) Come on, Harold. Why do you say such a thing? Your name is not Alien, it's Harold, it has always been Harold. There's nothing wrong with the name Harold. Don't ever try to apologise for it - on the contrary, you should always be proud of such a name. There was once a King with the name Harold. So please don't try to run away from your own name.

HAROLD
But I can't be mistaken about my name, I'm sure of it. No one has ever called me Harold except for you, sir, and you've only met me for the first time. I don't even have a friend or a relative by the name of Harold. You must have got me mixed up with some other chap. I can prove that my name is Alien. (Puts hand in pocket searching for cards)

MAN
No need for that, Harold, no need at all. (Paternal tone) I know perfectly well that your name is Harold, and you are not going to change it by standing up to me like that, pretending that your name is Alien!
(In a more formal tone) Sit down, Harold.

HAROLD
(Shrugs. puzzled) Oh, well, if that's the way you want it - let it be so - Harold it is.
(Hands him the papers he brought with him and sits)

MAN
(Examining the papers) I understand you've come to me about the job.

HAROLD
Yes, sir.

MAN
And you were sent by...?

HAROLD
Roger Davies of ...

MAN
(interrupting) Yes, yes.

HAROLD
They thought I was fit for the job, so they sent me for your approval.

MAN
Have you been made aware of the hazards this job involves?

HAROLD
To me it is not a job, sir. Diving has always been a pleasure - my favourite sport, since I was a boy. All I have ever wanted to do with my life is to dive.

MAN
How very charming; how very impressive; how very pleasant . It always gives me the utmost satisfaction to meet people like you, people with hearts full of love for England, ready to go and dive for their country...

HAROLD
(Not sure whether he said die or dive)

MAN
Dive, I said. 

HAROLD
But I'm not English, sir. I happen to be Irish. I hope that doesn't affect the situation as it stands now...?

MAN
Of course not . It's even better. It gives me even more pleasure to see Irish men with their hearts fun of love for England ready to go to the North Sea and dive for it!

HAROLD
(Not sure) Yes... sir.

MAN
We must always look for brave and courageous young men like yourself, keen on diving for their country. We have to keep the recruitment flowing. (Sinister voice) And, as you know, that's because we do tend to lose them from time to time ... Tragic ... is it not? (Hands him the papers back) Well ... you have my approval. Give this to the man next door ­he will take care of the rest.

HAROLD
When can I start?

MAN
Any time from now on - the sooner the better, of course. Goodbye!

HAROLD
(Mutters unintelligible words, walks towards the door)

MAN
Harold.

HAROLD
Yes.

MAN
Why did you lie to me?

HAROLD
(Looks at him in astonishment)

MAN
Why did you say your name was Alien when it was Harold? 

HAROLD
(On the verge of tears) But it's Alien, sir, have one of my cards - what else can I do to prove it? That's my identification card! - my national health card! - my club card - my bus pass, my train pass ... Allen ... Allen ... Allen ...
(Throws them 011 the table in front of the man)

MAN
(Looks at the cards, then back at Harold) It's Harold.

HAROLD
(In horror, takes one of' the cards, examines it.
Examines his photo on card.) It's impossible! Just impossible!
(In horror takes another card and examines it) This one's Harold too!
(Takes cards one after another) Harold ... Harold ... Harold ... Harold ... (Voice becoming hoarse) I can't breathe ... I can't breathe ...

CURTAIN